Lord, In Thee I Trust

Have you ever been to a corporate retreat? I haven’t, but I’ve read about them. They sound super awesome. I really meant that sarcastically, but maybe I’m just jealous because I’ve never been invited to one before. Either way, whether you’ve been or not, I think we’ve all seen those videos, maybe from a retreat, maybe from a marriage seminar, maybe from some party someone went to where they were playing tricks on each other, of the person standing straight up, arms crossed over their chest, eyes closed, and people behind them saying, “Okay, fall back and we’ll catch you!” Ummmm…that’s a negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full. Or to put it bluntly without the 80’s movie reference, I would not in a million years, allow myself to be the person to fall backwards.

Now the reasons for that are myriad, but it boils down to this, I have trust issues. This would not be any great revelation to people who know me, nor am I all that surprised to know and understand that about myself. I grew up in an interesting and sometimes difficult environment, that did not engender the building of successful interpersonal relationships, where trusting people was always easy, or always worked out well. Childhood to young adulthood to adulthood was filled with many examples of why trusting people is stupid. Of course on that same note, I’m sure, in fact I don’t even have to think that hard about it, that I was the person in someone else’s life once or twice, or 12 times, who left them thinking the exact same thing. So I’ve been the untrustworthy one, and I’ve had my trust burned. Do you see where the issues come from? Now just so no one thinks the problem is strictly mine, or that I’m wrong for not trusting people, here are a few scriptures for you: Micah 7:5-6 “Put no trust in a neighbor, have no confidence in a friend, guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house.” Or how about this one from Jeremiah 17:5-12 “This is what the Lord says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh, and whose heart turns away from the Lord.” Yikes! Next time you think about calling a friend for advice, or asking your neighbor to feed your cat while you’re out of town…well maybe don’t. Okay, in reality, and I’m trying to keep this lighthearted, because I think there’s enough doom and gloom out there, but in reality, trust, along with love and a few other key things, is a foundational aspect of any relationship. The bible isn’t suggesting we side eye everyone in our lives, and shun friendships, or sleep with one eye open if our in-laws happen to visit. What’s it’s telling us, and the reason for this post, is that God Himself is the only one deserving of our true and total trust. Our friends betray us, our spouses lie to us, our families hurt us. These are failures of human nature and our flesh. God though, and His unyielding, unfailing, all encompassing love and goodness are/is worthy of our belief and trust, as they are decidedly characteristics of Him and His nature, that define His relationship with us and ours with Him.

There are degrees of trust aren’t there? Oh the random co-worker, acquaintance I see every so often, old high school buddy; these people are not in my life enough for me to measure how much or how little I trust them. I mean they all sort of fall into the same category of, “Wouldn’t trust you with my life, might call you and warn you if there was a zombie apocalypse coming your way.” I tend to watch what I say and do anyway, because I think it’s wiser. But the people who matter in my life? The people close enough to me to love me, who understand me, who know my strengths and weaknesses? The people I rely on? The people I would save if there was a zombie apocalypse? Those people have  an imaginary number next to their names and it corresponds directly to how much I trust them, and what I would trust them with. Even within that inner circle if you will, of people I trust, I wouldn’t trust them all to the same degree or with the same thing. And that’s what you call having trust issues.

The problem with that is not so much about them, as it is that my life, without my knowing or realizing it, has also caused me to have trust issues with my savior. See I don’t think trusting people matters all that much outside of that particular relationship with that particular person. Not that it isn’t important, but you know, if you stink eye your relatives sometimes, or keep your neighbor at arm’s length, and keep your own counsel around your friends…meh. Maybe your life is a little lonelier than someone else’s, maybe people think you’re a bit of a jerk sometimes, but I think that’s about it. And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you’ll see a different post in 6 months with some newfound revelation about trust, who knows. What I do know, is that if we don’t trust God, we are in serious trouble.

We are all created with gifts, and talents, and a purpose to use them. To further the Kingdom of God, to glorify His name, to perform the work of our Heavenly Father here on Earth…these are big, life defining things that require us to not only know God, but to trust implicitly in His plan for us. And it’s not easy. I certainly don’t think I’m alone in that, but speaking purely for myself, there are times when I struggle with that trust daily. Boiling it down into its essence, trust is faith right, and the bible if pretty clear on the importance of faith. The whole of Hebrews 11 is a manifesto on the importance of faith, Ephesians 6 as it’s describing the armor of God and the properties of that armor, describes faith as a shield, and of course Matthew 17:20 talks about having faith the size of a mustard seed and how that is enough to move mountains. Sidebar, have you seen how big a mustard seed is? If you haven’t, it’s tiny. Like minuscule. Like smaller than a peppercorn. I mean it’s not grain of sand small, but it’s pretty embarrassing that I can’t muster faith larger than a mustard seed, jeepers…but I digress. The point is, faith is big! It’s huge! It is impossible to please God without it, or to live our lives His way, for His purpose, if we don’t practice it.

It would be easy to point to my youth as the reason for my struggles, but the truth I think, is that much of it came from decisions I made as an adult. I won’t lie, I rebelled when I reached adulthood. Not in crazy ways. I was never much of a partier, I’ve never done drugs, I didn’t start breaking the law. But I did decide I knew better than the Lord how I should live my life, and as if to prove that fact, decided to make lots of bad decisions in lots of different ways. Mostly relationship stuff, some money things…other things I’m sure I could remember if I put my mind to it, but you get the point. And here is where that matters. You see, I never did anything that the world doesn’t consider part of the “normal” process of growing up, but we’re not called to be normal are we? No we’re not, in case you had to think about that question. If we consider being saved, or asking Jesus into our hearts, as the beginning of our relationship with God (in truth it has existed since before time began, but for this, we’ll go with being saved) then at that moment, at that precise moment that we understand we are called to something different, we have a responsibility to live differently right? We don’t get the option of saying, “Lord I’m yours”, and then pretending we didn’t just make the decision to radically alter our existence. To do that, to truly do that, if it’s what we really mean in our hearts, requires a level of trust in the Lord that I think would be impossible for us to muster for another human being.

When we’re younger and we go to school we want the same lunch as the cool kids right? If the cool kids have bologna we want bologna. If they have lunchables we want the same. Our emotions tell us to be like others. If you’re like me and had parents who were very health conscious chances are you were never rockin the bologna sandwich. My mom was very invested in what went into the bodies of myself and my brothers and sisters. We ate things like all natural peanut butter on whole wheat bread, and couscous, and homemade healthy whatever. My mom knew that was what was going to keep us healthy, and productive. Now isn’t that the same with Jesus right? Every moment of our lives has been seen by Him already, and He knows, far better than we do what will keep us healthy and productive. And He gives us those instructions in His Word. Do this and this, and this. Don’t do that or that, or this. But what if we don’t trust Him? Then we read the Word and it never penetrates to our heart and our spirit. We go to church and hear the same and it never launches us to work to advance the kingdom. See we can read and hear and see all day long, but without trust, we don’t ever live our lives any differently, and what a shame that is indeed, because we are not called to be like the world, but to live as if Jesus has set us apart, because He has.

How many times do we act like we don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing? I know I do. “Gee Lord, could I get a word of knowledge here, or a prophecy over my life? Can you give me some clues as to what you want me to be and do with my life.” And I imagine He’s in Heaven saying “Well son, there’s this book you see, perhaps you’ve heard of it? Lots of good things in there, been around for a little bit, you may have heard it called The Bible? You should give it a look see.” And I’m like, “Oh well yeah Lord, I know all of that stuff, but I mean what else!?” And He’s like, “Well you seem to be struggling pretty hard with those instructions already, so I’ve decided not to overwhelm you by giving you more.” And we get mad at that! I get mad at that! How audacious of me, or of us if you’re in the same boat!

I like to know the future. I think it gives me some semblance of control, but He’s saying “No! I’m in control! TRUST me! You just work on following my word, and seeking my kingdom. The rest will come in time.” Because He knows doesn’t He? What’s helpful and what’s not, what will help us or what will hurt us. What will edify His kingdom and what won’t. Our job is pretty simple but we make it really complicated, because deep down we’re still in elementary school and we still want Joeys bologna sandwich because we think mom and dad are full of crap about the whole eating healthy thing.

That was the chief mistake of my running away from God in my early adulthood. Boil it all down, and the rebellion was borne of a fundamental lack of trust, not just in Him as my God, but in His plan for my life, because whatever it was, I didn’t think it could be as good as my plan for my life.

These days…well I still struggle. I still worry…I still listen to Him make promises to me, and wonder if they will come to pass. But! And this is key, but…it’s getting easier. Funny thing about surrender, especially to God…the more we do it, the easier it gets. Like anything else, when you’ve developed a bad habit, in this case, mine was not trusting the one being who has actually died for me, it takes time to rid yourself of that habit. The Word tells us in James 4:7 to resist the enemy and he will flee from us. Actually the scripture reads, “Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” See submission requires trust. Submission, or to yield, or to give yourself over to someone else…that doesn’t come easy to all of us. Certainly not to me. So I have to work a little harder, practice a little more, pray a lot…just to get through a day sometimes.

But at the end it’s all worth it. Not so we can hold ourselves up as some paragon of virtue, not so we can show off, not so we can look at someone else and judge and say, gee I can do this, what’s wrong with you, but because who better to trust then the one who spoke us into being? I mean if we can’t trust the God who created us, then what an empty way to live. I may not trust person X, Y, or Z with my secrets or my heart, or my money, but I better be prepared, if I truly mean to serve Him and love Him, to trust everything I have and everything I am to the only one deserving of that.